Most of you who have read my ramblings know that I see things many times that are a bit more than meets the eye. Basically when I look at something it seems that my mind automatically builds into the scene something different or deeper than what is there before me. This scene proved to be another one of those times.
click on the picture to enlarge
As you look at the picture what do you see? A small bridge? A barn like building or the pond? Of course that's only natural because they are there. But the more I look at it the more I see. My imagination has always gone wild so hang in there with me a minute and I'll try to describe it to you.
That old bridge crossing the pond made me stop and think of my life as crazy as it may sound! To the left of the picture you see the beginning point where the land is solidly connecting to the bridge; that to me reminds me of my life's beginning foundation. It was a time of fun, laughter, learning, and ever changing emotions that I'll never forget! For the most part it was safe and a part of me wanted to stay always, but that was not to be.
I grew a little older and my ventures slowly led me away from the safe begging point of my youth. I began to head further out on my bridge of life. The more I moved out the more exciting it became! Even though I was doing what is a normal part of life by venturing out, I still would look back at my foundations or beginnings not wanting to completely let go. There they were behind me, my family, my friends, and my past experiences; they were all there to help keep me grounded in a strange sort of way. But I kept moving further out.
After a while I found myself traveling further out faster than I ever expected! Everything was moving in my fast pace life. Things changed rapidly...friends and relationships changed before I even knew they were gone. I wanted to hang on to it all, but I couldn't because I needed to go on and I knew they needed to move on as well. I felt the hands of those I cared for slipping away as I moved out yet further and they went their own ways. I continued my journey occasionally crossing some very shaky parts of my bridge and rotten parts as well that almost let me slip through, but somehow I would get back up and I managed to move a little further again.
There were many times that I would stop, turn around and look back, but I began to notice that my life's bridge was carrying me so far away that it was getting harder to see those that I had left behind. I always felt in my heart that they were still there...somewhere. I loved them, but I knew I had to keep going. I was fighting to succeed and I wanted to be someone people would be proud of as I crossed on.
Then one day, I reached the dreaded middle of the bridge. I had heard about this part of the journey from so many people before. Now the bridge seemed to be getting harder to cross; all of a sudden everything seemed to be going up hill and I found my steps slowing some; I was getting tired and when I looked back there was very little that I could show for my trip thus far. I looked back toward my beginning and I felt a little sad. I could almost see them, but I knew that some of the faces I loved were now gone completely from view. I was at the highest point of my bridge but at the lowest point of my life when I finally stopped to rest a bit. I turned and looked at the water below. The water was full of reflections of my past. Some made me smile as I remembered while others almost made me cry. I found myself thinking, "You should have done better on this bridge", "You've let so many down that depended on you", "You barely know where you're going and you can't even grasp where you've been." "How can you keep going when you know you will do the same as you go forward?" At that point on the bridge I knew that I had to make a choice...
Do I go on and finish my venture, or do I turn back to where I've been? I also felt that there was a third choice that I could make in my new found depressed state of mind...I asked myself...Would it not be best for everyone if I simply jump over the side of my bridge and stop the trip now?
Can I turn back now? No not really, its actually further back to where I came from than it is to where I'm going. And besides I have to realize that things have changed so much back where I came from that they can never be the same again no matter how badly I want it. So I know in my heart that I can't really go back. Do I jump now and call it all quits? No, I can't do that either...its the selfish way out and besides I would be heaping coals of sadness on the next generation that will be crossing here behind me. They would reach this point and remember the place I decided to stop and quit. I can't do that to them...I can't be that kind of example.
Looks like my only choice is to go on. There are still those that love me and pray for me on this journey and they want me to finish well. I've met and loved so many along my bridge and their faces are always in my mind. So I look up, turn, and start moving forward again. Strange...I can't see the other side yet but I know its getting very close. Even though I can't see it I know it will be the place I've longed for my whole life! A feeling engulfs me the closer I get to the other side. I can feel their presence and love in the breeze. I can see the smiles and almost hear the laughter as they wait for me. My loved ones behind are pushing me to keep going while those in front of me are reaching out and saying you're going to make it! Now I find myself reaching for the hands of those that crossed the bridge before and it starts to feel like home again. As I reach the end of my bridge it finally occurs to me that the this was never my bridge. No this bridge belongs to all of us that meet along the way. The trip across was never about me, it was about them. If I had taken the time to put others before myself instead of passing them by, I would have been much happier.
Crossing life's bridge is very hard at times, but once you've started in the journey you can never really go back. You just hold the memories from the past in your heart and keep the love alive there until you reach the other side. I'm almost to the end of my bridge and much of my venture has gone wrong along the way because of wrong decisions. My prayer...I just want to finish well.
