Father's Day 2013 - What Does It Take?

FATHERS DAY 2013

by John Godfrey

           

L-R Kevin, Me (looking Rough), and Kerry

Dad its Father's Day! Your kids give you cards and presents...its your special day! But flip it around for a minute and ask yourself...Are you proud of your son or daughter? Silly Question? Not really.

Since its Father's Day I have a question for us dads. Come on, I'm serious! What does it take for a father to be proud of his sons or daughter? I remember that question being asked at a church youth gathering many years ago when my boys were young.

So what's the real answer? Is there more than one answer? Think about it. What does it take for you to be proud of your sons or daughters? Since I only have sons my questions may mostly center around boys, but you can insert the word daughter if I fail to do so. I know, I'm not a philosopher or trained counselor, I'm just a dad that has asked this question a of myself long time ago. I'll give you my answer too that question a little further down.

My boys Kerry and Kevin when they were young

How about it...What does it take for you to feel proud of your children? I've listened to and observed people with their children all of my life and sometimes it amazes me at what I see when dads (and mothers too) interact with their children.

So here are a few questions to get you thinking. 

• Do your children have to share all the same views as you do for you to feel a sense of pride in them? 
• Do they need to follow in your steps as they choose a life career? 
• Do they need to act perfect all the time for you to be proud of them, or maybe get straight A's in school? 
• Do they have to follow your ideas on politics or can they have a different view and still meet your approval?
• Does it become more of a source of pride for us dads if they become doctors, lawyers? You know, those positions of prestige or any profession we can brag about? 
• How about the president of a large corporation or President of the United States for that matter? 
• Pro Athlete? Winner of American Idol? The list is endless, but you get the idea I know.

Take a minute and just think about it. What is it deep down deep inside of you it that is the source of pride, or lack of pride in your children? After all, not every child can sing, or lead, or play sports well, or get straight A's in school! So, do you have hoops or levels that must be overcome before you really are proud of your son or daughter? I think that subconsciously many times we can fall into that performance trap.

Kevin about 4 years old

Okay so here goes...My answer to the question posed to us at that youth meeting many years ago was, and still should be really simple. The answer is...Nothing! Zip! Nada! Zero! A father is proud of his son or daughter regardless of those things that seem so important to so many around us. His children may be short or tall, skinny or heavy, by natural birth or even by adoption; none of that matters to him. He is proud just because he loves them.

Me and Kerry at Disney World

Of course any father will always take pride in the accomplishments of his children because he knows that those "high point" experiences are uplifting and encouraging to his children! It gives them confidence and hope. But that is not basis or bottom line reason of our parental pride. If that is the case then when they fail to perform like we want then we would lose our pride in them! Once again, the truth is that any father that truly loves his child is proud simply because that is his son; its his boy! Its his girl; Its his daughter!

His children may even have physical or mental limitations that keep them from performing as other children do, but to that dad, that doesn't matter either; its his child and that father is proud! He loves them just the same.Good times and bad times come and go in all families yet nothing that child can do makes dad love more than he already does and nothing the child does wrong will ever stop his love as a father! Its a trait that I believe comes from God. Once we allow Him (God) to adopt us into His family by our personal acceptance of Him, then we love as He loved us. No its not a perfect love on our part, but it is a love that cannot be explained in human terms.Performance has nothing to do with it He loves us and we love our children as well.

Kerry about 2 years old

My boys are now grown with their own families. They both have grown to become fine men in my eyes. No they're not perfect, they make mistakes as dads and husbands just like I did. They will have things to work through and improve on throughout life; its a part of growing and maturing. Mistakes will happen in both of their lives and no doubt some mistakes may be hard to overcome, but they will make it if they will stick it out. 

Neither of my sons are not carbon copies of me; thankfully they are their own men and in reality they are better men than me in many ways. Personally I wouldn't have it any other way..

They both work hard, love their families, and stand on their own. I've never seen them ask or expect society to take care of them. They've never even ask mom and dad for anything much for that matter. Of course I would do anything to help if they need it or ask, but they've not had to yet. When it comes to family they have both made theirs a priority. They are both mature enough and smart enough to work for what they have. They are stand up guys!

Kevin getting a much needed haircut

Kerry's first Barber Shop Trip

I was proud of them when they were little fellows by my side and I'm still proud now that they both are grown. I watch them as they do their best to raise and love their own sons and daughters too. Its a hard job to balance love and discipline with children, but they are doing their best! That is a blessing for me to see.

The good Lord knows that I've been far from perfect myself, but I tried to teach them right from wrong when they were small. I've had to scold and correct them; I know that I've even misjudged them at times; I've even embarrassed them by the way I act and do things, but in spite of me, they turned out alright.

To me, the best sound a father's ears can hear is not how much money is in my bank account or the accolades of other people. I could care less about those. The best sound to my ears are simply the words  “I love you dad”. That is awesome! But, then, to be further blessed and hear “I love you Papaw” on top of that is worth more than anything else you can ever pass my way! As I get older, its very important to me that I do not pass from this Earth without my sons and my grandchildren all knowing...Your dad and granddad is proud of each of you. Always have been; always will be!

Kerry just being cool!

As dads we have to choose to love on purpose through the mistakes, disappointments, and pain that can come along through life. We have to learn to forgive and to look for the good that is sometimes hidden behind the wrong actions of our children. We need to be vulnerable enough to ask for forgiveness when its needed and we have to keep in mind that every person on Earth makes mistakes and bad choices at times. Remember wrong choices and actions didn't keep God from loving us and it should never stop a fathers love either. Loving and being proud of our children comes naturally, but it can also be a choice we make on purpose during the less than prideful times, so we should never get caught up in the pride for actions game.

My sons and I have been through many things, both good and not so good, and we have made it this far. We'll make it the rest of the way too!

Always remember to "Love and Live On Purpose!" To my sons Kevin and Kerry, I'm proud of you both and I feel the same about your children who just happen to be "my grandchildren" whom I love deeply as well.

Dad

Kevin getting his Masters Degree

Kerry in Marines holding his son Blake the day he left for war in Iraq